In this season, I’m learning to recognize the things that take up space in my mind and keep me from being present in the moment. I’m becoming more aware of what steals my energy, my focus and my joy.
If you’ve read my recent blogs, you might recognize a few of these thieves: busyness, self-imposed expectations, comparison, mental clutter and the constant pull towards productivity. This week, I’m adding another one to the list; worry.
As self-proclaimed worrier (in recovery), I can’t remember a time in my life where I wasn’t worried about something - even as a little girl. I used to believe joy was just an illusion so I spent most of my life lowering my expectations to avoid disappointment. When joyful moments appeared in my life I didn’t fully experience them because I was wrapped up in worry and waiting for ‘the other shoe to drop.’
My past experiences shaped the belief that when life was calm it was only because a storm was brewing. I believed that when joy was present surely pain, disappointment and sadness would be lurking in the shadows.
What I’ve learned (through lots of therapy and introspection) is that when you worry your way through life it can impact you in two very important ways:
It causes you to miss out on the happy and joyful moments in your life because you’re so focused on preparing for the disappointment that may (or may not) follow.
It leaves you weary as you attempt to control the situation and the outcome which you have no real control over.
Waiting is uncomfortable. Being still can be uncomfortable. Not being in control can be uncomfortable. Which is why you worry; worry helps you feel as though you’re doing something. It’s your way of feeling more in control of the situation. But at the end of the day it just adds to the stress and anxiety of already overwhelming situations and can leave you feeling weary.
If worrying is unproductive, doesn’t change the outcome, and doesn’t make time pass by any quicker, what can you do when faced with uncertainty?
1. You can focus on what you can control. Assess the situation and ask yourself what is within your control? You can’t control what other people do. You can’t control how things will turn out. You can’t control other people’s response to the outcome. But you can control your thoughts and your response. This includes what you think while how you handle the waiting and how you respond to the outcome. Instead of playing the What If? game and going down the road of worst case scenario, focus on being still and present in the moment. Try centering yourself with a meditation and reminding yourself that worrying won’t change the outcome.
2. You can practice acceptance. Acceptance helps bring your focus back to the present and reduces judgement towards yourself and others. Instead of ruminating in regret or looking for someone to blame, acknowledge your circumstances. Give yourself grace and empathy. Remind yourself that we are all doing the best we can. [For more on acceptance, check out this blog post.]
3. You can look for the gifts in the situation. Author of Positive Intelligence, Shirzad Chamine, talks about identifying the gifts in every situation. He poses the question, “What are 3 ways this bad thing could be converted into a gift?” Should the outcome of your situation be undesirable, how might you shift your perspective to looking for the knowledge, inspiration, or growth in it? Maybe you learn what you can do differently next time. Maybe you become inspired to take action that you wouldn’t, had this not happened. Maybe you grow your resilience muscle and become more confident in your ability to handle challenges in the future. Looking for the gift allows you to shift into a more positive mindset and is less likely to leave you feeling weary over the situation.
I want to leave you with this quote, “Worry doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace.” Maintain your peace by becoming more aware of your worrisome thoughts. Challenge yourself to recognize them as worry. Ask yourself what is within your control and/or influence? Remind yourself that you can choose peace today by releasing those worrisome thoughts and returning to the present moment.
Crystalynn
PS. I’m launching a group program around Mental Fitness focused on battling negative emotions such as stress, disappointment, self-doubt, regret, anger, shame, guilt, or worry and growing positive emotions like empathy, gratitude, curiosity, creativity, self-confidence, and calm, clear-headed, laser-focused action. This program will be limited to just 5 people for the launch. If you want more information, check out the Mental Fitness Bootcamp page here.