There is probably something you’d like to change about your life or yourself. Maybe you wish you weighed less, had the energy to be a more present mom, were further along in your career, or had less financial debt. You can’t make a change if you don’t honestly acknowledge where you are.
Carl Jung, a psychologist, and psychiatrist said, "We cannot change anything unless we accept it." It's a great reminder that if you want something in your life to change, you must first acknowledge and accept where you are. And if you want to change something about yourself, it starts with accepting yourself.
The act of acceptance gives you 3 gifts. First, it connects you to the present moment. Second, it helps you reduce self-judgment. Finally, it puts you back into a position of choice - giving you a starting point for change. Let me explain.
#1. Acceptance connects you to the present moment:
Acceptance focuses on where you are in the present moment. And while it’s human nature to want to improve your life, sometimes it comes at the expense of missing out on the beauty of the present. You see, striving for more can oftentimes shift your focus into the past in order (to measure your progression) and out of the present. Your past experiences might cause you to question your abilities. Those mistakes from the past might keep you from taking steps toward your future because self-doubt can cloud your ability to see your potential for success.
Think about it, how many times have you let your past talk you out of your future? If you are constantly looking back, it will keep you from accepting where you are today and moving forward. On the other side of the coin, looking ahead to your future can have a similar effect and disconnect you from the present. Especially if you harbor disappointment around not being, achieving, or having all you hoped for at this point in your life.
Here are some things to keep in mind when trying to accept your current circumstances and ward off self-doubt and disappointment. Your past doesn't dictate your future. Your ability to be successful in the future has nothing to do with your track record of success in the past. Your current situation can be the point where you repeat old habits and stay stuck - or it can be a starting point. The choice is yours.
When you accept your present self and circumstances, you can honestly assess your situation without judgment and identify your starting point. This brings me to #2…
#2. Acceptance helps you reduce self-judgment:
We all struggle with self-judgment in one form or another. True acceptance is acknowledgment without judgment. This means you don't see your present situation as good or bad. You don't consider whether you should be more or less, or whether you should have more or less. You simply embrace who you are and where you are in the moment.
I used to teach a development workshop where I would ask participants to raise their hand if they showed up for work that day intending to do a bad job. Of course, no one would raise their hand. The point of asking the question was to emphasize the idea that: We are all just doing the best we can. We make decisions using the information and experience available to us at the time.
Oftentimes it’s easier to believe that statement about everyone else but think about what happens when you don’t give yourself the benefit of the doubt. When things don't turn out the way you had hoped, it can leave you feeling guilt, resentment, and drowning in self-judgment. Then you find yourself stuck there again.
The truth is life is messy. Things don't always go as planned. You are not perfect - and no one expects you to be perfect.
So what if you don’t have to get it ‘right’? What if you show up and do your best in every situation and accept the outcome? What if your best was good enough?
#3. Acceptance gives you a starting point for change:
When you honestly assess where you are without judgment, you can then choose what you want to do about it.
Think about someone who has a goal of getting out of debt. Acceptance might look like identifying the amount of current debt. From there they can identify what choices are available to them (additional income sources, ability to eliminate expenses, etc.) If they skip the step of assessing and accepting their current situation, they might not develop a sustainable plan to move forward and it will be difficult for them to measure their success.
Acceptance isn’t settling. It gives you information and a starting point to then identify the changes (if any) you want to make.
Applying this concept to your life:
Over the next week, you can apply the practice of acceptance to your life by identifying the areas of your life where self-judgment comes up most often for you. As these judgmental thoughts come up start by reminding yourself that everyone around you is doing the best they can - including you. If you begin to notice themes of self-judgment, create a personalized affirmation that will help you accept these parts of your life. For example, “I accept myself and my body as it is” or “I accept my career as it is.” Practice these personalized affirmation each day for a week.
Remember, acceptance doesn't mean you choose to stay where you are or as you are. It’s putting you back into a position of choice.
-Crystalynn
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