Last Friday afternoon I did something I never do. I sat on the couch and watched TV by myself. This might not sound monumental to you, but it’s a big deal for me and something I don’t do often. You see, I’m someone who feels the need to be productive 24/7. And while I’m a coach who helps other women with this exact issue, I still struggle with self-care and rest.
You should know that this blissful moment of rest happened partly by accident and partly by choice. The accident part: After almost a week of boycotting naptime, our toddler decided to actually take one that day. The choice part: Now, normally my default response is to stay busy and find something productive to do during that down time - things like cleaning up the toys in the living room, folding a load of laundry or pulling out my laptop to squeeze in some work time. But that day, I chose to take a break from my to-do list and just relax.
If you’re like me and you might also be carrying a belief that you have to be productive all the time. There’s a voice in your head that nags at you when you have downtime and tells you to make the most of that time. It persuades you to chip away at your to-do list, otherwise, you’ll miss your window of opportunity. It’s the one that convinces you that rest is not as high a priority as those other things on your list.
If this sounds like you, let me share 2 realizations I had after last Friday’s couch potato moment:
First, I took a break, and guess what happened? My business didn’t fall apart because I didn’t respond to the emails in my inbox and my house didn’t go to shambles because the toys remained on the floor and the laundry unfolded. But I did feel more relaxed, less irritated, and less resentful for the remainder of the day.
Second, I realized that self-care and rest will never be a priority until I choose to make it a priority. Said another way - You will never be a priority until you make yourself a priority. Choosing your health and wellness might feel like the harder thing to do… Until you feel the benefits of taking that time to recharge.
The more you are juggling and the longer your to-do list gets, the harder it might feel to take time for yourself. But that's when it is most important to do it. When you don't take time to recharge, you'll end up running on empty. You will eventually be forced to slow down. Then the feelings of overwhelm and resentment can set in.
2 Ways to Challenge the Voice of Productivity:
#1. Start with awareness. Consider why you feel the need to constantly be productive. Go deeper than ‘I have a lot on my to-do list.’ Use these questions to explore your thoughts:
How does being productive make you feel? For many people (myself included) being productive helps them feel as though they have a purpose. It can make you feel important or valued in your job. It can give you a sense of accomplishment in your day or pride from being able to juggle it all.
What does it cost you? Without judging yourself, consider how staying busy all the time might be impacting you and those around you. It could be costing you your health because you aren’t able to find time to slow down. It could be costing you productivity because your to-do list is constantly racing in your mind and preventing you from focusing on tasks. It could be keeping you from being fully present with your children because that voice in your head tells you to get things done. Your irritability, overwhelm and resentment could be keeping you from a more connected relationship with your spouse.
With this new awareness, identify what thoughts or actions you might want to challenge or change. Each time those thoughts of productivity enter your mind, consider what’s most important to you in that moment. This doesn’t mean you will always say no to the productive action. It means you will pause and consider your options. With practice, maybe you find that you’re choosing your rest over unread emails or your children over dirty dishes.
#2. Make yourself a priority. Last year I wrote a blog on Prioritizing the Big Rocks and how your calendar tells a story of what matters to you. The same could be said about your to-do list. If you look at your calendar or to-do list, what would it say about how much you matter to yourself?
You use our calendars to schedule activities like work, appointments, and your kid’s sporting events - so why not use it to schedule time for yourself? Start by intentionally identifying the time that you will use just for you. You choose what to do with it - nap, workout, go get your nails done, or something else. It’s about making yourself a priority.
Once you’ve put this into practice for a few weeks, reflect on these questions:
How does taking making yourself a priority feel?
What is it giving you?
Then, when that voice inside starts telling you that you’re wasting time, you can remind yourself of how it feels to prioritize yourself and these gifts of slowing down.