We all judge ourselves in one form or another and oftentimes we don't even realize we are doing it.
One thing I've noticed a lot of my clients judging themselves on recently is their ability to tolerate things that normally wouldn't bother them. Things like your child refusing to take a nap, your boss modifying a due date for a project, or forgetting to purchase an ingredient at the grocery store.
Prior to this pandemic, those situations would have been frustrating but tolerable. Nowadays those events can spark feelings of anxiousness, anger, or overwhelm. When things return to normal, you are left judging yourself for how you responded in those moments.
I love to teach clients about the Window of Tolerance because it offers insight on why this happens and helps keep you from judging yourself when/if it does happen.
The Window of Tolerance: Imagine your ability to tolerate stress is like a window. The size of your window is based on how much stress you are able to tolerate at a given time.
When things are normal in your life, you are able to deal with whatever is happening around you because you are operating within your window of tolerance. You might encounter stress or pressure, but it doesn't bother you much. You are able to tolerate it.
Now imagine the pressure increases and the stress you are experiencing lingers for longer than normal. This is when your window of tolerance shrinks. Things that might not bother you under normal circumstances can throw you off balance and cause you to respond with anger or frustration. Which makes sense because your threshold for stress has been exceeded. Your window has shrunk and you can't possibly take on anything else.
You are not alone. This is how many parents are feeling right now as a result of the added responsibilities and stress the pandemic has brought on.
If you find yourself in a place of self-judgment:
Give yourself grace. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can right now, especially given the circumstances.
Don’t compare your experience to that of others who seemingly ‘have it worse’. Just because it ‘could be worse’ doesn’t make what you’re going through any easier. It’s still hard and still having an impact on your well-being.
Think about what will help you open your window of tolerance back up. Consider stress-relieving exercises or self-care activities that will help you recharge your battery.
Resist the urge to isolate yourself from others. Find a group where you can relate to others who are struggling.
Reach out for support. Connect with a trusted friend or a coach - someone who will listen without judgment.
-Crystalynn
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